Today is Monday
by Orefish
Summary: Sanzo is your everyday office worker he has to put up with everyday things like nasty coworkers and weird roommates. He meets a new acquaintance after having his nasty limerick about Yaone read from over his shoulder.
1. My butt

Well kiddies, its that time again; time for me to make a multiple chapter fic and only manage to fart out one chapter. WATCH ME GO! Yes this time its on Saiyuki…God damn…yeah I love this anime to death…and now…I'm going to trash it.

Today is Monday

Yes, today was Monday, an average day, the beginning of the week and the daily grind. Office worker Genjo Sanzo got out of his red sports car only to be harassed by his co-worker who was parked in her car next to him.

"Hey Sanzo, riding to work in your fancy ass car again are ya?!" Yaone screamed from her purple mini van packed with her seven whining kids (ages one to seven), "Well you know they say the men with fancy cars are trying to compensate for something." She said with a fiendish cackle as one of her children made a fart noise against the window.

"Yeah, shut up Yaone you slut. Why don't you go reproduce or something?"

"Oh, fuck you. You're just jealous that I actually _have_ someone to reproduce with." She said as she slammed the van door shut and adjusted her pinstripe blazer, which dove down so far that her neon green bra was showing.

"Mommy! It's hot in here…" One of the children moaned through a kool-aid stained mouth and a runny nose.

"Oh don't worry baby," She said as she glanced at her watch "mommy will be back in…oh...about eight hours." She then turned on her heel and waltzed into the office building, all while purposely shaking her ass at Sanzo on her way in. Sanzo turned around to see all seven children mashing their faces against the window.

"Ew…" Sanzo commented to himself as he saw a slime mark left behind from one of the children. "I hate my life."

Sanzo sat at his cubicle ready to do some typing about god-knew-what, he never _really_ knew what he was being paid for. Most of his time would be spent typing limericks about his co-workers, his most resent one was quite creative he thought:

_There once was a whore named Yaone,_

_ Who let people ride her like a pony,_

_ She's a nasty looking tank,_

_ And a fishy smelling skank,_

_ If she were a man she'd be named Tony._

"Wow! Man, that poem sucks complete ass." A brown haired guy commented behind him as he peered over the blonde man's shoulder.

"Who the hell are you?!" Sanzo said as he brought his hands up to cover his monitor.

"I'm Goku, I'm new here." He said with a friendly smile as he extended a hand.

"Oh…fantastic." Sanzo groaned when in reality he wanted to vomit all over the brunette's face, but he wanted to wait a while before they got friendly like that, "You an English major or something?"

"Ah no I just love poetry; I've been studying/writing it for years…"

"Uh-huh." Sanzo snorted, "So what's wrong with my poem?"

"It has no depth." He explained nonchalantly.

"Depth?"

"Yeah, like you really need to elaborate on it a bit more. Like this:" He said as he began typing away at the computer.

_Yaone…you are the red street walker,_

_ You are the raven-haired mistress of Satan,_

_ And you m o a n as you are ridden like the stallions of Mars,_

_ Your body is hairy and strong like the great yaks of _ _Mongolia_ _,_

_ Even Attila would be in awe,_

_Your ripe smell of tuna long… past its heyday,_

_ R A P E S my nostrils and mirrors your anger,_

_ Anger that could only be summoned,_

_By the burliest of Hell's Angels…_

_ T o n y …_

"Hey…" Sanzo said as took in the last of the poem, "That's not bad…"

Goku stood back with his hands on his hips as he watched his new friend reread the poem with even more approval the second time, "Thank you." he said.

"Your going teach me to write like that." Sanzo commanded.

"Uh…I don't have a choice?"

"No."

"Hey that's really accurate poem, Sanzo." Hakkai said as he placed a box of files down on the blonde's desk.

"I didn't write it, the kid did." He said gesturing to Goku who was chugging some coffee.

"Hey you ass hole that's my coffee!" Sanzo screamed.

" 'Goku' is it? Do you think you could write a poem for me and my girlfriend?" Hakkai asked cheerfully ignoring the fact that a blood vessel in Sanzo's eye had just burst.

"SANZO!" Another voice blared causing Hakkai to scream like a girl and hide under his friend's desk.

"WHAT!?" He screamed at the purple haired beast that had plowed down one side of his cubicle.

"You scratched a hole in my van!" She screamed at him as she dug her heel into the fallen wall.

"What?! No I didn't! It was probably one of your slimy offspring clawing for air!"

"How dare you refer to my children that way! You're just jealous cause' you have a tiny pecker!"

"What the fuck are you talking about?! What does this have to do with my dick?! And why would I be jealous of _you_ if I indeed _was_ lacking anything!?"

Yaone paused for a moment as her face scrunched up in deep thought. Goku took the opportunity to speak up, "Um, if you don't mind...I'm going to go and find the copy room and Xerox my ass."

On his way to the copy room, he heard some slight mumbling from the group; "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?! '_YOUR RIPE SMELL OF TUNA LONG PAST ITS HEYDAY'_?! YOUR FUCK'N SICK SANZO!"

"YEAH THAT'S RIGHT, BITCH!"

"EW WHAT THE HELL IS HAKKAI DOING UNDER YOUR DESK!? IS HE GIVING YOU HEAD?!"

"If you have a twenty I can do you too." The man under the table said with a smile.

Maniacal laughter could then be heard causing a slight chuckle to escape Goku as he dropped his pants and sat on the warm comforting copy machine.

T.B.C…?

Hmmm...now that I read this its actually not as weird and random as my other humor fics....I dunno…maybe I'll go on with this…make it a really REALLY messed up romantic comedy…I have yet to get Gojyo in there and believe me…I have plans for him….hehehehe….all up to you guys…R&R.


	2. Your butt

When Sanzo entered his apartment, he immediately threw his things on the floor, ripped his tie off and collapsed face first on to his queen size bed, he gave a loud exasperated moan into a pillow, which sparked his roommate to come and investigate.

"Aw, what's wrong?" A voice came from above his spread eagle form.

"Shove it up your ass." He responded politely.

"Bad day?" He asked sweetly.

Sanzo just moaned as he rolled over on his back to stare up at his friend who had his red hair pulled back into a ponytail. A light flowery perfume wafted in front of his nostrils and made him cough.

"Jesus Gojyo, I told you if your gonna' wear that shit don't wear so much! You smell like a God damn opium whore." Sanzo commented.

"Well you won't have to bitch about it since I'm heading off to work. What's crawled up your ass today anyways?" He asked with a humph as he stuffed some random cloth items in a gym bag.

"Yaone."

"The fishy smelling one?"

"Yeah, she's been bitching me out all day."

"Sounds rough…" Gojyo paused for a moment as he zipped the bag up. "Why don't you come hang out with me at work?"

"Ah…sure…why not…you never really told me what you did for a living anyways." He sighed as he rolled off the bed and grabbed his keys.

Gojyo's work place was a strip joint, the Naked Bacon to be exact. It made a lot of sense to Sanzo though; the endless nights at the gym would have said something about his job as a bouncer.

The pink and blue lights inside the building blinked enough to cause one to go into a seizure, which explained why there were a few men on the ground twitching and foaming at the mouth. One was able to muster a strained "help" noise but Sanzo instead stepped on the incapacitated men and took a seat at a table in front of the stage; there was a poll in front of him indicating what the main event might be.

"Hey Sanzo!" A voice called from behind him, it was Hakkai and the new guy.

"Oh for Christ sake…" he muttered as he tried to hide his face from his friends.

The two sat down at his table giving him kinky stares, "So what are you doing here of all places, my friend?" Hakkai asked.

"Question is why are _you_ here?" Sanzo retorted.

"Oh yeah, don't you have a girlfriend?" Goku added as he recalled Hakkai's request for a poem about her.

"Well she ran off with another man tonight." He said cheerfully.

"Uh…shouldn't you be unhappy about that?" Goku asked

"Nah, its no big deal they do this all the time when ever the family gets upset." Sanzo explained.

"Oh. Feuding families?" Goku said sympathetically.

"No, just incest." Hakkai said with a giggle.

Goku made a face and tried to find a safe escape rout.

"You didn't answer my question Sanzo." Hakkai said changing the subject.

"Just to make it clear I'm not here to look at the women! It's for the educational value!"

"Well it makes sense I guess, I figured you swung our way." Hakkai said with a wink as he began to drag his foot up and down the man's leg.

"What?! Wait a second-" The blonde screamed but he was cut off by an announcer ready to introduce the first act.

The lights went down and all that was left was a pink light shining over the stage, "And now the moment you've all been waiting for…" the announcer boomed, Sanzo just covered his head with his arms and sunk into the table "…it's the Naked Bacon's own lovely temptress, Jaja!" Suddenly some kinky music came on and a body strutted out from the curtains Sanzo continued to hide his face as he listened to his friends cheer the dancer on.

"Aw come on Sanzo, this is good stuff." Goku said as he lifted the man's head up.

"I don't want to watch it I'm not like you-HOLY MOTHER OF GOD! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON!?" He shrieked as he saw his roommate in a revealing glittery schoolgirl outfit dancing about the stage in.

"Hey there cutie." Gojyo said with a little wink towards Sanzo's direction who was simply gawking at the transvestite.

"Hi, Jaja! Your doing a great job tonight!" Hakkai said with a cheerful smile as he handed the red head a twenty.

Suddenly Gojyo's red high heel and well shaven leg were on the table, "Well I can do an even better job for the right incentive…"

"Oh God…take me now…" Sanzo moaned as he tried not to look at his friend's disgusting yet well-played show.

"You're going to have to pay extra for _that_…" The dancer whispered as one of his long painted fingernails traveled up his friend's cheek causing him to launch up from his chair and punch the hooker in the face.

"Ah! Fucking Christ! Why'd you do that?!" Gojyo said as he nursed his now bruised jaw.

"You never told me you were a cross dressing topless dancer!" He screamed.

"And what I fine one he is!" Some hick hollered through missing teeth and a slurred southern accent.

"You! Yeah you, hick boy! You want my fist in your ass!?"

"Tell me where and when, baby!" The hick said as he blew a kiss.

"Jesus is everyone here a fucking pervert!?"

"Well Sanzo, you do realize you're at a strip joint, right?" Hakkai informed him.

Sanzo made a frustrated groan and headed for the exit but not before he smashed the hick's face into a wall while screaming "YE DAWGY" mockingly.

T.B.C…


End file.
